The One With Draco's New Jumper
by Kitto-Yamato
Summary: Harry Potter Slash gets the 'Friends' treatment. HPDM
1. The One with Draco's New Jumper

**The One With Draco's New Jumper**

AUTHORS NOTE: This though came to me today, what if I did a Harry Potter slash in the form of the Friends TV show. This is the result, just to see if it would work. Its set in similar surroundings as the TV show, but Harry and Draco live opposite Hermione and Ron. Neville is the goofy one. Naturally of course they are all in their twenties. This is only meant to be a one off, as I can't see how to make a sequel to it, or even a second chapter.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry or Draco or anything else related to Harry Potter, they are property of JKR, Time Warner, Bloomsbury and anyone else I forgot to mention. Friends is owned by whoever owns Friends, don't know who, its not me though.  
  
RATING: PG-13 - Slash related content  
  
The One With Draco's New Jumper  
  
"Draco! Get your feet off the coffee table." Hermione tapped Draco's black boots that lay crossed in the pristinely polished table. Wordlessly he dropped them back on the floor and jabbed ignorantly at the TV remote. "You shouldn't be wearing those clod-hoppers in the apartment anyway." She said, but Draco wasn't listening. He was intent on scanning through the channels trying to find one that didn't include Soap Operas or Home Shopping.  
  
Hermione marched off huffing under her breath. She stopped by the wall mounted mirror and adjusted it so it was just so. Harry charged in through the door knocking the mirror back to its wonky position. He threw a package at Draco which clouted him about the back of the head. Draco looked down at the soft plastic wrapped package. "What's this?" He asked.  
  
"Dunno? You ordered it" Harry said plainly and headed straight for the fridge.  
  
Draco fumbled with package trying to find an easy way to get inside. He resorted to tearing at the pack with his teeth. Inside was a woollen jumper with the words. "Kiss Me, I'm evil" written on it. Draco slipped it over his shirt and grinned inanely. "Harry?" He called standing up.  
  
Harry had a milk carton to his lips and was gulping at its contents when he heard Draco. "Huh!" He put the carton back in the fridge. He saw Draco and the jumper and laughed.  
  
"What?" Draco looked at the jumper but couldn't see anything wrong.  
  
Harry walked slowly over to Draco and gave him a sensual kiss on the lips.  
  
"Mmm." Draco hummed. "Milky kisses!" He said wiping Harry's milk moustache of his lips.  
  
"Hey!!!" Hermione barked from the bathroom.. "Use a glass."  
  
Harry pondered. "How does she know that I never used a glass."  
  
"There's a peep-hole in the bathroom door." Draco said before he could stop himself.  
  
"What?!?" Harry blurted out.  
  
"Uhh, Ron told me!" He tried emergency excuse number one.  
  
"Ron said this! Ron did that! Do you actually do anything?" Harry said trying to sound annoyed.  
  
Draco faltered. "Hey!" He said. He opened his arms. "I am evil after all."  
  
"Did you enjoy looking at me?" Harry couldn't help but ask it.  
  
"Woof!" He barked and smiled.  
  
The door clicked open and a redheaded businessman marched in carrying his briefcase. He looked briefly and then chucked his case on a spare seat. He plonked himself lazily in a freshly plumped pillow-laden armchair.  
  
"Umm, Ron?" Harry pointed to the bathroom door just as it flushed. Ron stood up faster than lightening and grabbed his case and tried to look like he just got in.  
  
Hermione opened the door and strode out.  
  
"Ah!" Ron said putting his case neatly by the wall and rubbing his hands together. "Good to be home. How are you love?" He kissed Hermione on the cheek.  
  
She leant forward and accepted the kiss. "Get showered and changed. Then you can sit on the arm chair."  
  
Ron and Harry exchanged looks. Ron turned and went into his room, but not before he had a good frown at Draco's jumper.  
  
"How come you two always hang around here?" Hermione asked smiling at them for the first time that day.  
  
Draco shrugged but Harry answered, "'Cus its tidy. In our place you can never find anything. Its a nightmare. I'm sure Draco's underpants crawled under the closet this morning."  
  
"They were not my underwear!" Objected Draco, "They were yours, I was just wearing them."  
  
"Urgh!" Harry shook his head. "Lets go, Neville will be waiting."  
  
Harry and Neville sat on the sofa while sipping slowly at coffee's. Draco was on the stage, his blond hair parted neatly down the centre and jumper proudly on display. He nestled a guitar on his lap as he sat on the wobbly bar stool. He began to strum a song that was one of his favourites.  
  
Smelly Cat, Smelly cat what are they feeding you?  
Smelly Cat, smelly cat it's not your fault...  
  
They won't take you to the vet.  
You're obviously not their favourite pet.  
You may not be a bed of roses,  
And you're no friend to those with noses.  
  
Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you?  
Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault!  
  
A few people clapped, but most were too busy stirring their coffee to bother much. Still, he did it because it was expected of him. He placed his guitar on its stand and stood up proudly showing off his jumper. When nobody commented on it he shrugged and plonked himself down on the sofa, squashing himself up against Harry needlessly.  
  
"Draco?" Harry said.  
  
"Yup?"  
  
"That was uhh..." Harry faltered.  
  
"Your best performance yet." Neville nodded. Harry agreed quickly. Draco smiled and Harry place his arm around him.  
  
"Yunno. Do you two always have to do that?" Neville asked. "You know, that putting the arm round each other. It's really gay!"  
  
Draco looked at Neville. "Nev, are you blind? We are gay!"  
  
A sudden shock of realisation hit Neville's face. "H...h... how long have you been uhh... together."  
  
"Oh about three, perhaps four..." Harry consulted Draco.  
  
"Three of four days, wow, I'm surprised I never noticed." Neville still looked shocked.  
  
"Yes, about four years now." Harry hadn't heard Neville's response. He had been talking to Draco.  
  
Neville went for another strong coffee.  
  
FADE OUT.  
  
A/N Let me know what you think of it and I may continue at some later date. I have a few other fics to finish first.


	2. The One with the Luminous Goo

TITLE: The One with the Luminous Goo  
AUTHOR: LordofIbanez  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter or any related trademark, Nor any trademark related to the hit series 'Friends', I do however, own the plot which is written in my own words.

A/N: The previous chapter is actually fairly old, I'd say about two years old, but I reposted it to give it some more life and hopefully rekindle some of my fanfiction spark. Hopefully I have improved my writing skills in the time between the first chapter and the second one.

Each of these chapters can be read standalone as the episodes are in 'Friends'. Future Episodes depend on positive feedback and mainly my current mood... After all, this one took a few years. I may go back and update the first 'episode' at a later date. Depending on if I feel like it is a stain on more skilled writing methods.

This Story is for Foxxie, a lean-to when the canvas of life collapses.

The One with the Luminous Goo

It was a sunny morning and the birds were busy conversing in a way that only avian creatures can at such ungodly hours of the morning. This particular morning was a special morning, but not in a good way. Draco's father was coming you visit his only son. Harry and Draco were running around like Superman on steroids trying to get their apartment cleaned in time before the royal visit.

"Harry! Have you seen my other green sock?" Draco whined and flapping his hands at the same time. "It's just not as pair without the other one."

"Well a pair of trousers is still a pair and you only get one of them. Glasses too... Have you seen mine?" Harry mumbled from under the bed. Harry had the unpleasant task of removing some indescribable goo from under the bed.

"Yeah! They are in the closet." Draco motioned his hand over to the closet, not really caring that all he could see of Harry was two perfectly rounded globes attached to legs. The rest was squirming under the bed somewhere. The two perfectly shaped globes stopped squirming briefly as realisation struck.

Harry wriggled he way out of the depths of the bed with yellow rubber gloves on his hands and what looked like a pale-green gelatinous mass on them. "I don't believe you... You crammed all that shit into that closet? What if he wants to admire your dress sense? You can't open that, it will bury him and there goes our rent money." If Harry's hands were in a more sanitary condition he would have buried his face in his hands, although he was saved from having to make that realisation as the doorbell rang and Draco near enough filled his pants.

"SHIT! He's here!" Draco exclaimed loudly before proceeding to run about the bedroom like a headless chicken. Harry, on the other hand, had already gone to open the door. It was Hermione, and she came armed with antibacterial spray and well used rubber gloves.

"Harry! What the hell is that in your hand?" She exclaimed and raised the antibacterial spray in a deadly poise. "Is it alive or just old?"

"I think it was food, but now its trashcan fodder." Harry whipped the gelatinous mass behind his back out of sight. "Well, isn't this a nice suprise, I see you come bearing gifts!" He looked nervously at the gloves and spray can.

"Well you are not known for your neatness Harry, I thought I had better grin and bear the fallout zone." Harry grinned and stepped aside. Even though he and Draco had already done most of the work themselves, Hermione still managed to turn her nose up as she stepped over the threshold. "Oh Harry, how could you live in such a tip, I though you would have at least begun clearing up."

Harry dropped the gelatinous mass onto the floor with a resounding 'splut'. Harry turned and glared at the mass as if he expected it to crawl away on its own. Hermione hadn't noticed so Harry decided to try to kick it out of the still open front door, but only succeeded in smearing it over the carpet and getting it on his shoes. Harry gulped and crouched down and pulled the welcome mat over the mess on the carpet.

"What are you doing Harry?" Hermione turned around to see Harry kneeling on the floor.

"Umm... I... Err..." Quick witted Harry licked his thumb and rubbed the wall. "There was a mark on the wall, just removing it." He grinned at his quick thinking.

"Well Harry, You just licked your rubber glove."

Harry gagged and ran into the kitchen before throwing up in the sink.

Draco had by now calmed down and dared to step out into the hallway where Hermione spun around and faced Draco, who yelled, "Argh!" and visibly flinched.

"What do you mean argh?" She pursed her lips and put her gloved hands on her hips... a true Hermione sign that she is mad.

"Sorry..." Draco cowered. "I though you were going to antibacterialise me."

"Honestly Draco, you are so stupid sometimes it makes me..." Hermione was interrupted by another one of Draco's yelps.

"The carpet!"

True enough, they hard carpet, and lo and behold it had green gungy footprints that lead on to the kitchens tiled floor. "There is lube all over the carpet! How did we not notice that before?"

"Lube?" Hermione asked innocently. "What's lube?"

Harry had a coughing fit not that he had stopped vomiting. Draco was about to tell Hermione every 'sticky' detail when Harry jutted in. "Its a sauce we use when we eat."

Now it was Draco's turn for the coughing fit.

At last the doorbell rang and Draco's coughing fit turned into a hyperventilating fit and he staggered off into the apartment.

Harry just glared at the floor that had footprints of green lube mashed into the pile. He had wondered where that lube had gone to. He remembered that particularly drunk night when he and Draco had won the couples night at the Oyster Club. They got a love making hamper and in side it was a tub of sensual luminous lube guaranteed not to evaporate on contact with skin. Well it hadn't and all this time later there is was... under the bed where months of bed-rocking had relocated it.

"Thank you Hermione!" Lucius said politely as he stepped though the door, right into the path of the lube footprints in the carpet.

"Mr Malfoy!" Harry smiled. He trotted over and placed his hand into Lucius'. "I was just wondering if you liked our ceiling... it took us three days, four hours and thirteen minutes to pain that." Harry pulled on Lucius' hand and lead him into the sitting room while his eyes were trying to figure out the point of staring at a white ceiling.

Draco was spark out sprawled over the sofa. Apparently he had passed out from lack of oxygen. The usual way to rouse him was usually to arouse him, but he couldn't do that with Lucius in the room. Instead he prodded him about twenty times in the chest before he woke up. Draco's eyes flicked open and glanced at the ceiling where they remained. Harry followed his eyes up and saw a perfect 45 degree slice of pizza stuck to the ceiling.

"Mr. Malfoy, have you seen this wonderful carpet." Harry waved his hands at the carpet. "And this rug was imported all the way over from the far east."

Now that got Lucius' attention. He leaned down and felt the pile of the rug. While he was preoccupied Harry jumped up onto the arm of the sofa and removed the slice of pizza from the ceiling. He pulled it down with a tearing noise just as Lucius turned around. Harry flipped his arm around and slung it out the nearest window where it hit the glass with a glassy bang and relocated itself behind the bookshelf.

"What was that?" Lucius asked glancing towards the noise.

"The radiator... it does that at times." Draco got up wearily. "Hello father."

There was a rumble coming from Harry and Draco's room complete with a feminine squeal. Harry and Draco both sported doomed expressions on their faces.

Lucius was first to react and darted out the sitting room and into Harry and Draco's room. There was Hermione standing waist deep in all sorts of junk.

"Hermione!" Harry said enthusiastically. "You found my glasses. Thank you." He picked them up from the floor and popped them over his eyes. That's when he found Draco's lost green sock, as Lucius pried the stiff piece of linen from his shoulder.

"You two have some explaining to do." Lucius said with a stern look on his face.

Ron's head was buried in his hands. Hermione was having trouble breathing she was laughing so much, while Harry and Draco sat with one arm around each others shoulders looking rather sheepish. Neville on the other hand was still confused as he was at the start, and the only one drinking strong coffee.

"I can't believe he did what he did though." Hermione said after her fit of giggling. "I though he would disown you two."

"Yeah, especially after the lube incident." Ron said as he shook his head in shame. "And to think you didn't even know what lube was Herm... I am shocked."

"I am so sorry Ron!" She replied sarcastically. "Not all of us is proficient in gay slang."

"Actually it's not just gay people that call it that, most people in the porn industry..." Draco stopped as he saw the worried glares from his friends.

"I bet it makes your apartment look great at night with all that luminous stuff everywhere?!" Neville spoke.

"Actually Draco ordered some more." Harry grinned

"Uhh..." Draco blushed "Change of subject.... Harry... Have you ever thought about acting?"

FADE OUT

Okay so what do you think, better than the last, same or worse? r&r pwease.


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